Sunday, January 11, 2015

On Days, on Death, and on Willing

Wow, what a morning huh, I have written three other blog post, two pages of my novel, and now I am through with my work, for the most part.  I have some other work to do, but that is really waiting for other things, like the guy to deliver the hay, and such.

So now I am free to explore the where-with-all of things that may be happening, but I feel like doing nothing of the kind.  Do you ever just not want to know what is outside your little world.  Ah, maybe too many do, but alas, that is not my fate, for I am faced with the world and it pushes its face into my vision, no matter how well I shutter my windows, and lock all my doors.

I have not even given my email all but a cursory glance, just to see if there was anything that was important there, and oh yea, it is Sunday, so no there was not anything at all of interest.

So, what is of interest today?  Hmm, not much, I think I will troll around the internet, looking for some interesting sites of no consequence, or maybe I will just play a few hours of Skyrim, nah, it does not feel like that kind of day.

It feels like a review type of day, so maybe I can do that, review something.

Hmm, let me see, what have I used lately that deserves a review, what have I watched lately, you know what, can not think of anything right off the top of my head, so yea, will have to get back to that.

It is times like these that I used to go, yea, you know what, I am going to go to the local watering hole, and see how the locals are doing.  I would get out there, or at least to the end of my driveway before I would realize that today is Sunday, and since I really do not like sports bars (do not think there are any around here anyways), I won't find good christians in bars at this time of day any how.  That was then, when I was still drinking, and still thinking that people were worth the effort of interacting with, on a personal basis.  Now when I do get out, which is not very often at all, seeing I have no means of transportation but shoe leather, and it is nearly zero out, so no not pleasant to walk in, all I want to do is get back home, where the love of my life is, and we can be cold together on our couch (I love the couch, but not as much as the dogs do unfortunately), while waiting for this winter to leave us alone.

Now often I think, as long as I can get the things we need somehow, well then I need not go anywhere ever again.  I am reminded of how agoraphobic that sounds, but I am not afraid to go out, it is just that people are out there, and they do nothing but disappoint me, so I would rather stay home and be with my wife.  Oh, did I forget to mention it is her birthday today, yea, I had hoped to get out before and buy her a small gift of some kind, nothing extravagant, just a little something, and a nice steak for our dinner tonight (and some cheese cake, she loves cheese cake), but that did not happen, and I am sad that I could not at least arrange that.  Still we will celebrate her birthday in a different way, by being close together, and enjoying our closeness.

Man did that sound pathetic, as real as it may be, and however I feel, I guess it would be better if I could have taken her out to dinner, and bought her a nice fur coat or something useful like that.  Maybe next year I will tell myself, and one of these times I will be right, I only hope for her sake it will not be much longer, for she counts her life in months not years these days.

I guess death is encroaching upon me as well, as my body deteriorates, and my bones creak and ache sometimes more than I would like to admit.  My health is not such that I notice much, a few aches and pains, and I get tired a little quicker than I used to, but that is about all.  I still have most of my faculties, and bodily functions still mostly function as they should, though I am concerned for the lump in my neck, although I would not let on so, as that would only increase the concern that my wife already has.  I get headaches a little more often than I used to, and I most likely should quit smoking, so I could live a little longer, but who wants to live forever anyways, certainly not I.  Ideally I will pass maybe a week or two after my wife, so the children can come in and clean up the place, and sell it, although if I have my way, I will give it to our grandchildren, so that the children must still clean it up, but it will only benefit the grandchildren, as a little payback for Arleta's children being as they were to their mother who only loved them too well if not too much.

The other things I will do, provided things work out as they should over the next couple of years, and we have some accumulated wealth to pass on to the living, will be to give Mary a small something, not sure what, most likely a trust of some kind, so she will have something for all her effort and provision all these years.  To all our grandchildren, even the ones we have not seen, we will provide some sort of compensation, most likely in the form of real estate trust and annuities, so they will have at least that, and not be left with nothing for the future perhaps.  For the girl that changed my life, and made it possible for me to love, not only her, but myself, and therefore others of value, I would leave at least some interest in whatever royalties might exist as well as a place in the trust that would manage the rest of the interest, for I know she would provide interest to the mix of personalities that would have an interest in our interest, provided there was any.  It would be left to Mary to find her, and provide her with this provision, as that would be how Mary would then be given her interest, beyond the means to complete the task that is aforementioned.

I sure hope that we do have interest worth bequeathing, because it will give me no end of pleasure to know that we have had the last laugh at all the children's expense, having to go to their children for the interest they would certainly believe they are due, even though from what I have seen, they are not, at least at this point.  That once we are seen to have value, and it is known that there will be something left after our passing, that their attitudes change, well, that would be too late, for they were not willing to earn that interest when it was not, so how is it that they are worthy of it now that it is fact rather than faith.

Well I have gone into so much about death and the twist of giving what I do not yet have, but will enjoy giving when I do, so I will let it go for now, confident that it will provide me with much pleasure knowing that in the end, we will leave our grandchildren with humor, if nothing more.