Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Box of Fools

Whilst I am on a roll, I might as roll with it... hmm, let us play with this scheme.

The birds are in the counting house, counting out there troubles, while the king is in the pantry, shooting syrup and honey.  The maid is in the way, and she will have no suitor, for the queen is secretly desiring her long lost first desiring.  And I am sitting in the tower, with fools for which there is tiring, for there were no remorse for his majesties humor retiring.  The princess and the prince, poor sots, are the ones that learn to fall from the grace that should they be supporting.

I look upon these fools before me, and wonder how they wail, with their tongues cut out they moan so loud it did not serve it purpose.  You must be dumb to have come to this place with earnest, for nothing is true, it is all reviewed by the countess and her cooky.  The lamb is dead, he is offered to the pheasant and the serpent, but the lion lives, for the time it seems, by hiding in the trees.  Now I am given pause to know these fools will not believe a thing they are hearing.

Will you, won't you please just stop your complaining.  I tire of the sound of the din you fools are making.  Still there must be something to this, or you would not jest, instead you would be out there hunting stags and their mates.  So if you wonder what I am about, look aside to the fool beside, and realize they are you as you are they, and we are all in the same box of our own making.

How These Fools Act

It is almost 6:30 in the morning and here I sit waiting for the coffee, and wondering why do I do nothing all the time.  My nothing is interspersed with a few things here or there, a load of dishes, taking the dogs out, feeding the sheep, those sorts of things, but most of the time it is just nothing, a whole lot of nothing.

We all do too much nothing.  I notice that with everyone one I meet.  I ask them what is up, they say nothing really, just the same old thing, a whole lot of nothing.  We all want to seem busy, but we really do not know how to be really busy.  We are unoccupied, even at our jobs, we are not tasked with much more than just sitting there doing nothing that matters anyways.

I remember reading in the Tao "do nothing and nothing will be undone" and for the life of me I could not figure out what the hell that meant.  It took me a long time of contemplating it before I really began to even get the most rudimentary understanding of the meaning.  Something so simple that it plum illudes us.

Another great wisdom is what you do is what you should do, which is not always true, so that is really just a lot of do do.  It implies that our lives are already done, that we are living in a movie of our lives, and that everything that happens has already happened and we are just watching the rerun.  Maybe that isn't so far from the truth.  Sometimes it certainly feels like I have seen this scene before.

We are watching events unfold in front of us, on the screen, and even though we think we have free will, we really are watching ourselves make decisions that were already made.  One day when you are walking down a road and you decide to turn left instead of right, where does it lead, what mystery will unfold?  When you stop to think about it, that change in perspective could have as easily been predicted as any.  How can you change your movie experience?  I do not know that you can.

Why can I not change my life?  How is it that I can not stop watching my life unfold before me, completely pre-rolled and without change?  When we think about fate, is it really something we can determine?  If I were to end my life this moment, would it be because I was meant to, that I had no choice, and if I chose not to, the same could be said.

I have tried to get away from this circular thinking, to get outside my mind and understand from an outside perspective, only to find that it is always my own perception of what it must be like to be outside my own perception.  As I am typing this I hear the words echo in my thoughts, like they were not mine, but the words that I wrote before, just now, as it were, a moment ago.

I can not go on with this, but it will not leave me alone, like I must find the projector, but the projection is me, so I can not see the audience, but I am certain they are not what or who we think they are.

How long has the human race been gone for, how long have we only been the hologram images of historical study, it can not be said, for to know that is to know too much, and we can only know that which is already known.

It is okay, you can kid yourself that you live your life, and it is your life, not just a grand production for some other being, or maybe for your self.  You can have your illusion of life, but that is all there is, illusion, the truth is there is no truth, and all that we know is already known, and we are but actors upon the screen.

Monday, December 22, 2014

Happy Holidays to You and Yours

Merry Elfing Christmas to me, since no one would buy me anything from my Steam wishlist, when Skyrim went on 24 hour sale today for $4.99, I bought it for myself.  I know that was selfish and all, since we can not buy anyone else Christmas gifts, and we need every penny for paying our land payment, but sometimes you have to just do what have to do to get by, and owning Skyrim for me is what I have to do.

So you can all just quit your bitching, because I will pay for it later, and I just do not care.  Stupid little thing, wish I could have gotten it from someone, but since there is no one who would do such a thing for me, I must do as I must for myself once in a while.

Now I have to work twice as hard to make up the difference.  How about you all donate $5.00 to the cause, and we will send everyone something, I do not know what, maybe a bar of soap, or maybe something else, a copy of my book of crappy poetry, who knows, I am sure it will be something that will be worth at least something.

Well I feel not much better, but that is because I still do not have water, it is cold, and I feel like a total idiot because I can not work, or it will hurt our government check, which if I weren't such an idiot, we would have paid our land payment instead of the truck payment, and lost the truck, not the house.  So if anyone wants a truck, it is yours for the low low price of $1,600.00 (and that is a two hundred dollar loss to me), or a puppy, we have one male left, for the ridiculously low price of $250.00, just drop me a note through the website, through G+, twitter, facebook, email, something, but get on it, because I really do not want to lose my house.

Thank you for your time, it has been a pleasant stay.