Monday, December 01, 2014

Right Thoughts

This has some things that concern the farm as well, but in general it really is just me bitching for no good reason.

This is how I think things through, by writing them out, so I can get the thoughts out of the stream of my mind which is almost always murky and clouded with ordinary thoughts.

So… while this does not seem like anything to anyone else, it is a stream of thought that to me represents the closest I can get to clarity.

That said I am thinking about the eBay and Amazon thing.  I have a bunch of stuff here, mostly a lot of old toys that are in fairly rough shape.  While in some cases I am sure that any kid would love these toys (if they were not in the consumer households), but I do not know if they would fair well on ebay.  I am still trying to figure that out.  I do not know a lot about toys in general, I am better versed in antiques.  That said, even there I have only a moderate knowledge, but I do have a greater appreciation, so the knowledge is easier to access for me.  Weird how that works like that.

I really like old books, so I could easily focus on that.  Automotive collectibles too, is something I can find interest in, or really anything from the 1950’s through the 1970’s.  

My biggest issue seems to be getting started.  I seem to be unable to start the process, too worried that I will not be able to follow through with the work that needs to be done.  The last thing I want to do is tarnish the little rep I have on eBay, and I just do not know how to capitalize on Amazon yet.

You see I know that if I could just get a couple of books out there, I would do okay.  But I am stuck, not able to do it, because I am afraid of what I will be like if I go back to writing.  To write for me, I go internal, I become very introverted, and I do not know any other way to do it.  I know I could write, I have done it, but I just do not know how to do it and not become some type of anti-social douchebag.

I read, because it keeps me focused on what I need to do, and that is write the same drivel as I am reading, because that is what sells.  I know I could write this pulp fiction, I have done so in the past, unfortunately most of that writing got lost in our many moves, so it is gone forever.

I do have some old poetry books, and I was wondering does anyone actually pay for poetry anymore, did they ever.  I was thinking that a book of poetry with really awesome illustrations might sell, if nothing more for the illustrations, but I do not know if my wife will do the illustrations.  I really want her to do them, as I know her talent is greater than most, and together we might make it work.  Although I am not so confident that my poetry is all that approachable.

What I am thinking is that some nice charcoal sketches would be best, simple, and yet so awesome to go with good poetry, as long as the poetry is actually good.   I need to get her some charcoal pencils, and a really good sketchbook, of a size that I can scan with the scanner.

Why of course I can not now lay my hands on a book for the moment, because I wanted to demonstrate the type of writing I used to do, way back when, and provide a sample of my work, so maybe other could critique it.  I used to be like, sure go ahead take my work, do what you will with it, I will know the author, so it does not matter to me, when in truth I was always scared that someone would take my work and become famous with it, so I hid, sometimes even from myself.  This is not always a good solution, as it often results in work being lost.  I did put together a manuscript once, and sent it to a publisher, but they rejected it, and I just never got the gumption to send it out again, now it is gone too.

I took a correspondence course once, for creative writing, and my instructor was so impressed with my work that he even attempted to call me personally when I decided to drop the course.

There came a time when I quit the drugs and drinking, and focussed on living and nurturing a life with my beautiful and wonderful wife Arleta.  Our lives have been great, difficult more often than not, but we have had each other.  The problem is when I write I lose myself in the work, and that does not work for a healthy relationship.  I know no other way, and I do not know how to do it otherwise, and that worries me deeply.  I do not want to lose my wife to find a muse, especially since I am uncertain I even have what it takes anymore.  I have dabbled a bit here and there, doing some character development stuff, but I have no one to bounce it off from, and I am afraid of the people in the chat rooms, as they stalk for ideas and would have no problem stealing mine.

Well now I have cried about my work, or lack thereof, time to get to the brass tacks.  We need stuff to continue our journey to live better on less.  While I am not able to find work as I once did, and the working for Dan thing just did not work out well, I guess the thing to do is quit all my bitching and figure out a way to write.

Right now, I have to go out and cut up wood for the fire, so for now, this is all I got, like it or not.

Oh, just in case anyone is of the mind to know what we are looking for, here is a link to our Amazon wish list.  Thank you and have a really nice day.