Wednesday, December 24, 2014

How These Fools Act

It is almost 6:30 in the morning and here I sit waiting for the coffee, and wondering why do I do nothing all the time.  My nothing is interspersed with a few things here or there, a load of dishes, taking the dogs out, feeding the sheep, those sorts of things, but most of the time it is just nothing, a whole lot of nothing.

We all do too much nothing.  I notice that with everyone one I meet.  I ask them what is up, they say nothing really, just the same old thing, a whole lot of nothing.  We all want to seem busy, but we really do not know how to be really busy.  We are unoccupied, even at our jobs, we are not tasked with much more than just sitting there doing nothing that matters anyways.

I remember reading in the Tao "do nothing and nothing will be undone" and for the life of me I could not figure out what the hell that meant.  It took me a long time of contemplating it before I really began to even get the most rudimentary understanding of the meaning.  Something so simple that it plum illudes us.

Another great wisdom is what you do is what you should do, which is not always true, so that is really just a lot of do do.  It implies that our lives are already done, that we are living in a movie of our lives, and that everything that happens has already happened and we are just watching the rerun.  Maybe that isn't so far from the truth.  Sometimes it certainly feels like I have seen this scene before.

We are watching events unfold in front of us, on the screen, and even though we think we have free will, we really are watching ourselves make decisions that were already made.  One day when you are walking down a road and you decide to turn left instead of right, where does it lead, what mystery will unfold?  When you stop to think about it, that change in perspective could have as easily been predicted as any.  How can you change your movie experience?  I do not know that you can.

Why can I not change my life?  How is it that I can not stop watching my life unfold before me, completely pre-rolled and without change?  When we think about fate, is it really something we can determine?  If I were to end my life this moment, would it be because I was meant to, that I had no choice, and if I chose not to, the same could be said.

I have tried to get away from this circular thinking, to get outside my mind and understand from an outside perspective, only to find that it is always my own perception of what it must be like to be outside my own perception.  As I am typing this I hear the words echo in my thoughts, like they were not mine, but the words that I wrote before, just now, as it were, a moment ago.

I can not go on with this, but it will not leave me alone, like I must find the projector, but the projection is me, so I can not see the audience, but I am certain they are not what or who we think they are.

How long has the human race been gone for, how long have we only been the hologram images of historical study, it can not be said, for to know that is to know too much, and we can only know that which is already known.

It is okay, you can kid yourself that you live your life, and it is your life, not just a grand production for some other being, or maybe for your self.  You can have your illusion of life, but that is all there is, illusion, the truth is there is no truth, and all that we know is already known, and we are but actors upon the screen.

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