Monday, September 22, 2014

Porn No Longer Matters

You can definitely tell that technology has reached a plateau, when there really seems to be no real forward progress.  It is either that or it has become imperceptible.

"Back in the Day" as I now often say, but hate the statement immediately after I have said it, so really I do not say it anymore, I used to surf a few choice porn sites.  You may ask why am I telling you this, is not this a glaring example of way too much information.  Well the truth is, porn sites have always bored me, and I have always only felt pity for the performers.  I did once carry on a rather lengthy conversation with one performer for a couple of days, even gave her some money once, but then I remembered that she was a performer, and this was all just an act to elicit my not so hard earned cash.

So, yea, anyway, I used to surf a few of these sites and look into their code, back when I used to code that is.  They were always on the cutting edge of code, especially for security.  This is not the case anymore, and the porn still bores me.  Coding has become too junked up with scripts anymore, and I do not like the fact that on most servers now, I have to use their interface, at least the free ones.  I use Google Sites now, and I do not like the way it works.  I would prefer to be able to just hand code the website, but that is not really possible anymore, at least not with Google Sites.

I used to be a card carrying member of W3C, and several developer sites, including Netscape, does anyone remember them, but that was years ago, and now I am completely out of touch with the technology.  This is not about technology really, or it would be on my TechnoQuest blog, it is about how I have lost touch with things in general, and just do not care anymore for things that seem like I should care about them.

For one thing I am almost 50 now, and I just do not care enough about sex anymore to even care if I can get it up, so ED is not an issue for me, although as far as I know it is not an issue for me, at least not yet.  I do not think I have ever been one of those guys that produced a lot of testosterone, because I never did really feel all that manly most of my life.  I did not feel the need to seek out adventures with men though, and I was never afraid of manly companions.  By the same, I rarely sought out company of woman either, other than for the purpose of sleep and the occasional jaunt in the bed, or my truck.  I have always been a loner, which is why I find it weird that I have been happily married for almost 15 years.

As I do approach 50 I find that I want to interact even less with people, at least from a short distance.  I do not mind so much from the comfort of my compound, while they remain at a comfortable digital distance.  People have always bored me, and therefore I had very few friends, even though I knew a fair amount of people, they were always just people I partied with, or hung out with, but no one that I really confided in, or had any real deep relationship with.  That is why computers interested me so much, they did not want to converse about their issues, although if you were a coder of any kind you understood that computers had many issues back then, and that has probably not changed much.

I am now trying to write, and it is more difficult than it once was, as I have obligations that I rarely had when I was writing before.  I now have bills I never had before, and those bills have to be paid, and that has sucked most of the energy I used to use for writing right out of me.  I am now also committed to a marriage that I find pleasant, but it also means I have one more obligation, that I have accepted, that back when I was writing everyday I did not accept, because I always felt it would be unfair to anyone else if I were to divide my love between them and a muse.

All of this has created a situation where I am at now, not sure of how to get through this, but I have to get through it, because only the writing will really set me free of the obligations, once again so I can write freely.

I wonder what happened, what is going to happen, and can I get through it, and still maintain my sense of wonder that propels my art.

I was going to add more to this, but for now I will just publish it and let the chips fall where they lay.

Thanks for reading, or not, whatever.
JD

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