Monday, December 29, 2014

Travel Notes (from a sol) 1

Just a little lesson before I go, well I am not really going anywhere soon, but you know it sounded good in my head.

Anyway here is a little bit of advice.  Be careful who you talk to, they just might be smarter than you, I know I have run aground this many times myself.  While it is generally good to converse with those that are smart, getting into a debate with them is an exercise in futility.  Of course there are times when we all need such a humbling experience, and as a student of life, I welcome such discord, it reminds me of who I really am.

Well that is about it, just a little thing to keep you thinking, because when the mind stops turning the heart will have no reason to go on pumping blood to the brain.

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Box of Fools

Whilst I am on a roll, I might as roll with it... hmm, let us play with this scheme.

The birds are in the counting house, counting out there troubles, while the king is in the pantry, shooting syrup and honey.  The maid is in the way, and she will have no suitor, for the queen is secretly desiring her long lost first desiring.  And I am sitting in the tower, with fools for which there is tiring, for there were no remorse for his majesties humor retiring.  The princess and the prince, poor sots, are the ones that learn to fall from the grace that should they be supporting.

I look upon these fools before me, and wonder how they wail, with their tongues cut out they moan so loud it did not serve it purpose.  You must be dumb to have come to this place with earnest, for nothing is true, it is all reviewed by the countess and her cooky.  The lamb is dead, he is offered to the pheasant and the serpent, but the lion lives, for the time it seems, by hiding in the trees.  Now I am given pause to know these fools will not believe a thing they are hearing.

Will you, won't you please just stop your complaining.  I tire of the sound of the din you fools are making.  Still there must be something to this, or you would not jest, instead you would be out there hunting stags and their mates.  So if you wonder what I am about, look aside to the fool beside, and realize they are you as you are they, and we are all in the same box of our own making.

How These Fools Act

It is almost 6:30 in the morning and here I sit waiting for the coffee, and wondering why do I do nothing all the time.  My nothing is interspersed with a few things here or there, a load of dishes, taking the dogs out, feeding the sheep, those sorts of things, but most of the time it is just nothing, a whole lot of nothing.

We all do too much nothing.  I notice that with everyone one I meet.  I ask them what is up, they say nothing really, just the same old thing, a whole lot of nothing.  We all want to seem busy, but we really do not know how to be really busy.  We are unoccupied, even at our jobs, we are not tasked with much more than just sitting there doing nothing that matters anyways.

I remember reading in the Tao "do nothing and nothing will be undone" and for the life of me I could not figure out what the hell that meant.  It took me a long time of contemplating it before I really began to even get the most rudimentary understanding of the meaning.  Something so simple that it plum illudes us.

Another great wisdom is what you do is what you should do, which is not always true, so that is really just a lot of do do.  It implies that our lives are already done, that we are living in a movie of our lives, and that everything that happens has already happened and we are just watching the rerun.  Maybe that isn't so far from the truth.  Sometimes it certainly feels like I have seen this scene before.

We are watching events unfold in front of us, on the screen, and even though we think we have free will, we really are watching ourselves make decisions that were already made.  One day when you are walking down a road and you decide to turn left instead of right, where does it lead, what mystery will unfold?  When you stop to think about it, that change in perspective could have as easily been predicted as any.  How can you change your movie experience?  I do not know that you can.

Why can I not change my life?  How is it that I can not stop watching my life unfold before me, completely pre-rolled and without change?  When we think about fate, is it really something we can determine?  If I were to end my life this moment, would it be because I was meant to, that I had no choice, and if I chose not to, the same could be said.

I have tried to get away from this circular thinking, to get outside my mind and understand from an outside perspective, only to find that it is always my own perception of what it must be like to be outside my own perception.  As I am typing this I hear the words echo in my thoughts, like they were not mine, but the words that I wrote before, just now, as it were, a moment ago.

I can not go on with this, but it will not leave me alone, like I must find the projector, but the projection is me, so I can not see the audience, but I am certain they are not what or who we think they are.

How long has the human race been gone for, how long have we only been the hologram images of historical study, it can not be said, for to know that is to know too much, and we can only know that which is already known.

It is okay, you can kid yourself that you live your life, and it is your life, not just a grand production for some other being, or maybe for your self.  You can have your illusion of life, but that is all there is, illusion, the truth is there is no truth, and all that we know is already known, and we are but actors upon the screen.

Monday, December 22, 2014

Happy Holidays to You and Yours

Merry Elfing Christmas to me, since no one would buy me anything from my Steam wishlist, when Skyrim went on 24 hour sale today for $4.99, I bought it for myself.  I know that was selfish and all, since we can not buy anyone else Christmas gifts, and we need every penny for paying our land payment, but sometimes you have to just do what have to do to get by, and owning Skyrim for me is what I have to do.

So you can all just quit your bitching, because I will pay for it later, and I just do not care.  Stupid little thing, wish I could have gotten it from someone, but since there is no one who would do such a thing for me, I must do as I must for myself once in a while.

Now I have to work twice as hard to make up the difference.  How about you all donate $5.00 to the cause, and we will send everyone something, I do not know what, maybe a bar of soap, or maybe something else, a copy of my book of crappy poetry, who knows, I am sure it will be something that will be worth at least something.

Well I feel not much better, but that is because I still do not have water, it is cold, and I feel like a total idiot because I can not work, or it will hurt our government check, which if I weren't such an idiot, we would have paid our land payment instead of the truck payment, and lost the truck, not the house.  So if anyone wants a truck, it is yours for the low low price of $1,600.00 (and that is a two hundred dollar loss to me), or a puppy, we have one male left, for the ridiculously low price of $250.00, just drop me a note through the website, through G+, twitter, facebook, email, something, but get on it, because I really do not want to lose my house.

Thank you for your time, it has been a pleasant stay.


Thursday, December 18, 2014

On Gods and Such (a slight look)

For some reason the whole God thing has come up a lot today, like it has to be dealt with.  While I am slowly churning through the information that is available to me through the various sources, the truth is I guess I have to at least address this from my own perspective for the moment.

I do not actually understand the God.  I can understand how it could be created, but I do not understand how it still has any value to people.  I do get that there is something that is significant about this world we live in, but that it is something more than just a unlikely coincidence is far too unlikely.  Think for a second how unlikely is your birth, with one egg and perhaps half a million sperm, the pairing that makes you happened.  If that is not enough evidence of random choice, I do not know what else can be said.

If it were not for the evidence to the contrary, I would not have such an opinion.  The God should reign in his minions as they are so far out there, that for the most part most of them do not even realize how ridiculous they appear to those of us who are actually trying to understand how things work around here.  Then when they start to use religion along with politics, it just becomes so ridiculous, it no longer even holds any value as a topical discussion.

Now I have spent a good portion of my time here in this time space continuum trying to discover who these gods are, and I have come to realize they are not what we have thought they were, or as they were reported to be.  That is not to say that the slavers that existed in some other time were not convinced that they were gods, or at least the sons of gods, but that they were not more than the mortal beings that they were, and could not outlive more than their own legends.  Granted with enough time, capital, and labor, they were often able to ensure their immortality at least as far as their existence is concerned.  We
know of the kings of Egypt because they purchased their immortality.
We also know of such artist as Leonardo da Vinci because he left us with work that was significant enough to transverse the ages that intervened.

While I do not understand how these people could buy into religion, I do not as yet completely believe there are no gods, I think there is more to learn about such beings, and we just haven't got there yet.  Science may not be able to see the gods as possible, but they are still in their infancy and have miles to go before they really begin to understand even the most rudimentary constructs such as the divine.
Math may be able to explain order and chaos, but it does not quite calculate the disorder or the completeness of beauty that exist.  I do not get the fanatics from any camp, but am willing to at least attempt to understand the myth, the mystery, and see it that leads to a better understanding of the missing data that even science can not wrap its little ivory finger around.

Unfortunately I am of the mind set that even science is a form of religion, and if it continues headlong into the directions that it is going, it will be as invalid as the religions it rallies against.

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

On Religion, Gods, Nature, Man, and Such Things (awip) part 1.1

I was going to write on some of this, but I am just not in the mood to tackle such subject, being more in the mood to rant about things that are far less meaningless.

Of note I have discovered something I already knew, I need to have a place where no one can reach me to write, because I can not stand the interruptions, and no one, not chatters on the web, not people calling on the phone, not even my lovely wife, or dogs can seem to understand that I do not want to be disturbed when writing.  It aggravates me to the point where I will give up writing entirely.  I do not at this time know how to deal with this, but as it is, I will strive to get up early, and write first thing in the morning, so I can at least not harbor such feelings towards my wife.

I would have been a great writer had I never decided that I needed to be part of this fucked up society.  Being that the case, I will have to learn a new behavior, and modify the way I live to accommodate the conditions of my situations, and learn to live with it.

Thank you and have a great day, plebs.

More News that Isn't Really News

From the Line of Shit Department:

Boeing 737 Factory to Move to Clean Energy

Now really the headline alone is out of context, and if you only read the headline, you would not get the rest of the story, you would really think that they are going to clean up their act.

And now the rest of the story, or as much as is needed.

"Boeing said it plans to buy renewable energy credits to replace fossil-fuel power at the factory in Washington state where it assembles its 737 commercial airplanes."

There you have it, the truth, they are not doing what they say, they are buying credits from the government so they can do whatever they please.  Nice gesture, and I am certain it will give "joy joy feelings" to everyone who is interested in "green business", but there is very little in the reality of actual clean energy there, just payola.

Another Quote:

"The aerospace company and the utility, Puget Sound Energy, said the plan will move the Renton factory near Seattle toward an all-renewable energy mix."

Unfortunately I can not at this time access the EPA site, because they are transitioning to a new system, most likely so they can better control how they display data, to make the bad actors look better.

The rest of the article goes on to say that Boeing will pay a premium for their energy so they can purchase renewable energy credits to offset the fossil fuel energy they use.  While this is all good for their public relations, it really is mostly that.

And yet one more quote:

"Marc Krasnowsky, a spokesman for NW Energy Coalition that has pushed for more renewable energy use, praised the company for looking at becoming all-renewable.

"They're basically turning their fossil power green, and that's laudable," he said.

I do not think I can really agree with Mr. Krasnowsky, as it being laudable, but I guess something is better than nothing, even if it is really nothing.  I am sure it means more to the people in Boeing's backyard, although if they are spending more on energy, it may mean there will be less money for job creation, so this "greening effort" may actually mean less work.  I hope it does not come to that, but if the pressure to look good to the environmentalist is that strong, and the companies do not or can not actually do something that will make a difference, then maybe it will not work out in the end.

Still I think it is progress, in a sideways direction, but progress.  Kind of like when your car gets stuck in the snow, sometimes you have to spin the tires and get the car to slide sideways first before you can move forward.  Let us all hope that is what we are seeing, because it can sometimes lead to your car just burying itself even deeper in the shit.

That is it folks, see you later, for more updates when they catch my eye.


Monday, December 15, 2014

On Religion, Gods, Nature, Man, and Such Things (awip) part 1

At what point does it just stop being.  I am certain I can feel it winding down, but I just don't know to what.  I think maybe that we are headed to a deeper meaning of oppression than ever has been known on this planet, at least in our recorded history.

The more I look around the more I realize that the tyranny that we have known in the past is but a taste of what is to come.  That the golden rule has yet to be applied in the manor that it will be applied in the future.  I just wonder when that will be applied, there is not enough information to determine this.  I do not think it will matter how much money you have, but that may help some, so the amassing of money may be important, it might not be.  I am thinking that gold might be important, but even that might not make much difference, unless you have a way to protect it.

The signs are aligning as such to show me that we have not seen the worst of it yet.  That we will at least see yet another age of suffering, more devastating than we have seen since the age of recorded history.

As I look around me I realize that the last glimmer of strength is waning, and that soon there will be no connection to our past.  I do not know if I will see this through, as I am also failing, my soul cage is rotting around me, at an accelerated rate.  As the family fails, so does the last barrier of strength that impedes the coming of the new dynasty.  The new god has already been put into place, and without realizing it, we have become worshipers of this new god, this golden idol.  We always have though, unknowingly, we have always worshiped this golden idol.  While the old gods continue to vie for our attention, this one has always been there, accepting our homage to its followers.

Since the very dawn of trade, since the very first time that we exchanged our god given lives for lives purchased, we have worshiped and corrupted all things within the context of the new god.  We are not aware of it, as it has never been the God that we knew.  It has always been there, with us to ensure its place in our lives, and act directly in our cultures.

Of all the years that have passed, only one of the sins indicated the presence of this corruption.  Charles Dickens wrote an entire book to demonstrate the indication, with a single line of prose he exposed the true spirit of our nature, without realizing what he had done, I believe.  Most people only obtain glimpses of truth.  We only see the work of the god in the results, rarely in the actions.

We have created many different deities to try to comprehend the world in which we live.  The desire in us to understand this world has driven our need for extrospective.  While in quiet passages, in silence and darkness, we must tremble to meet ourselves.  Even as I write this and know that the simple is far harder to grasp than the complex, it is the simple that eludes us.  This is holy grail, but those that seek the grail have not known this, for they seek for their own gain, they know only of the god to whom they have pledged their lives, and the generations of their kin to.  They are not aware of the cost for their avorance, they know not of their own waste.  However often at the moment of their death, at the very point where their frail corporal frame no longer can hold the truth from being exposed, they come to understand the truth, and often attempt to rectify with the old gods, in the hopes that it will save them.  The old gods have been corrupted, and they never were to begin with, they were constructs of our creation, while the true god was our own ignorance staring back at us through ages of indifference to what was our duty to our culture and society.

We understand very little of this season, and even with such lucid portraits as that which Charles Dickens did portray, we still have very little grasp upon which foundation those grand houses were built.  Let us take the case of Charles Dickens, all his writings, and understand through the lens of his society what light he attempted to create.  It is not easy for us to imagine the world of the Victorians, and much less so, it is through a lens of less than ideal clarity that we must examine this period.  I dare say that the vast majority of people today would not survive the Victorian age, nor would they have the sufficient understanding of rules that were artfully applied.

For a brief second an artist is able to glimpse the sublime and although perhaps they do not fully comprehend their understanding, they can provide a picture that if we are but willing to look inward without fear, will see that same truth.  I have given up attempting to find that spark of knowledge within the people, for it has extinguished and all that remains is pale comparison to what used to be inspiration.  Given this, I am fully aware that you, gentle reader will have no desire to look further into these words, to discover amongst them, truth, or even half truths.  These are but the ramblings of a mad man, a cantankerous old man with a grudge against a society that did not give him what he desired.  If that is your understanding, so be it, there is no amount of shadow that will illuminate the righteous and ignorant.

For the remaining few, these next few weeks and days, I will continue to explore this avenue of insanity and find its course, be it for ill, nil or even enlightenment.  Willing I am to look inside, and seek the truth, and if you are but willing to witness, perhaps you will find some reason within the play that before you performs.

This is the end of the introduction, such as it is, and I will continue to work on it, and the results will play out as they do, as this is but the rough draft, and if it comes through as worthwhile, perhaps then in some hope for the fools and the pleasure of the old ones, I will have provided a complete work, if only complete in its volume, while I would not be as folly to believe that anything could be complete, there is just too great a work in the simple beauty of existence.

Monday, December 01, 2014

Right Thoughts

This has some things that concern the farm as well, but in general it really is just me bitching for no good reason.

This is how I think things through, by writing them out, so I can get the thoughts out of the stream of my mind which is almost always murky and clouded with ordinary thoughts.

So… while this does not seem like anything to anyone else, it is a stream of thought that to me represents the closest I can get to clarity.

That said I am thinking about the eBay and Amazon thing.  I have a bunch of stuff here, mostly a lot of old toys that are in fairly rough shape.  While in some cases I am sure that any kid would love these toys (if they were not in the consumer households), but I do not know if they would fair well on ebay.  I am still trying to figure that out.  I do not know a lot about toys in general, I am better versed in antiques.  That said, even there I have only a moderate knowledge, but I do have a greater appreciation, so the knowledge is easier to access for me.  Weird how that works like that.

I really like old books, so I could easily focus on that.  Automotive collectibles too, is something I can find interest in, or really anything from the 1950’s through the 1970’s.  

My biggest issue seems to be getting started.  I seem to be unable to start the process, too worried that I will not be able to follow through with the work that needs to be done.  The last thing I want to do is tarnish the little rep I have on eBay, and I just do not know how to capitalize on Amazon yet.

You see I know that if I could just get a couple of books out there, I would do okay.  But I am stuck, not able to do it, because I am afraid of what I will be like if I go back to writing.  To write for me, I go internal, I become very introverted, and I do not know any other way to do it.  I know I could write, I have done it, but I just do not know how to do it and not become some type of anti-social douchebag.

I read, because it keeps me focused on what I need to do, and that is write the same drivel as I am reading, because that is what sells.  I know I could write this pulp fiction, I have done so in the past, unfortunately most of that writing got lost in our many moves, so it is gone forever.

I do have some old poetry books, and I was wondering does anyone actually pay for poetry anymore, did they ever.  I was thinking that a book of poetry with really awesome illustrations might sell, if nothing more for the illustrations, but I do not know if my wife will do the illustrations.  I really want her to do them, as I know her talent is greater than most, and together we might make it work.  Although I am not so confident that my poetry is all that approachable.

What I am thinking is that some nice charcoal sketches would be best, simple, and yet so awesome to go with good poetry, as long as the poetry is actually good.   I need to get her some charcoal pencils, and a really good sketchbook, of a size that I can scan with the scanner.

Why of course I can not now lay my hands on a book for the moment, because I wanted to demonstrate the type of writing I used to do, way back when, and provide a sample of my work, so maybe other could critique it.  I used to be like, sure go ahead take my work, do what you will with it, I will know the author, so it does not matter to me, when in truth I was always scared that someone would take my work and become famous with it, so I hid, sometimes even from myself.  This is not always a good solution, as it often results in work being lost.  I did put together a manuscript once, and sent it to a publisher, but they rejected it, and I just never got the gumption to send it out again, now it is gone too.

I took a correspondence course once, for creative writing, and my instructor was so impressed with my work that he even attempted to call me personally when I decided to drop the course.

There came a time when I quit the drugs and drinking, and focussed on living and nurturing a life with my beautiful and wonderful wife Arleta.  Our lives have been great, difficult more often than not, but we have had each other.  The problem is when I write I lose myself in the work, and that does not work for a healthy relationship.  I know no other way, and I do not know how to do it otherwise, and that worries me deeply.  I do not want to lose my wife to find a muse, especially since I am uncertain I even have what it takes anymore.  I have dabbled a bit here and there, doing some character development stuff, but I have no one to bounce it off from, and I am afraid of the people in the chat rooms, as they stalk for ideas and would have no problem stealing mine.

Well now I have cried about my work, or lack thereof, time to get to the brass tacks.  We need stuff to continue our journey to live better on less.  While I am not able to find work as I once did, and the working for Dan thing just did not work out well, I guess the thing to do is quit all my bitching and figure out a way to write.

Right now, I have to go out and cut up wood for the fire, so for now, this is all I got, like it or not.

Oh, just in case anyone is of the mind to know what we are looking for, here is a link to our Amazon wish list.  Thank you and have a really nice day.

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Work A Day

How in the hell in this material based work a day world do we find peace.

I have listened to the gurus and priest, the thinkers and philosophers, and they all say the same thing, let go of desire and you will find peace.  I believe them, I believe that we are all capable of such, but how, when so much is focused on just making ends meet.

I have bills to pay, so I have roof over my head, land to till, and food to eat.  Unless I can not pay for those things, I have nothing.  Never mind the bills I pay so I can write on this tablet, post it on the web, well those are luxuries that I prefer, but could do without if I had to.  No matter what that still leaves the house payment, the food, and health care, so how does one find peace when everyone requires such things to just survive.  It is not like I can just live on the land, I must own it first.  Even if I pay off the cost of the land, pay off the bank, I still owe taxes, so there is no such thing as free land, it is always property that you rent from the government.

Get a job, I have had several, but they do not cover the cost of living much anymore.  The cost of food, gas and other such things has become so prohibitive that one must earn more than one can earn from the land to make the work a day work.  It is no longer a situation where one can make their own way upon one's own back, it must come from other sources, related to the same masters that take their cut of what you do earn.

I can work the land and earn what it gives to me, but it has been paid out, and very little value remains.  I have to get more land, to make it work out, and that is just a process of diminishing returns.

In fact it has become a life of diminishing returns.  I continue to become worth less every day, as my value is diminished by the work I am no longer able to do without the payments paid out before to the people who do little for me.

I am done with this.

Thursday, November 06, 2014

Watchers Watching Me

I spend entirely too much time wondering what others do for their bread, when it really does not matter much at all to me.  I just drive through the rain, and get wet,

As long as I still do that which I do, and you all watch this self destructive soul dissolve into insanity, then the entertainment never ends does it.  Would you like to see that, bet you would pay the promoter if he told you I was performing at three.

And these fools here do not know the psychopath that lives next door, with his hats and slow words, sometimes big eyes, telling too much.  I look north, would you ride with me, no I won't use breaks, it takes the thrill out of everything.

I think maybe you all are well enough paid to understand that I have nothing to give you, because you deserve not my sympathy.  I could do the video thing, but words have always been my thing, but I have abandoned them, in stead of leaving me behind.  I was sore for quite some time after you stung me, but the pain does ease.  Sometimes even the thought of a little girl will bring a tear to my eye.

Bouncing around the subjects that interest me, I try to confuse the fans, but the ones that know will know how to find the truth amongst the lies.  Like so many codes, there is still too much in here for the mortal mind to wrap them selves around.  What does it matter anyway, I am not for you to figure out, but for anyone to know, it would slowly degrade their morals anyways.

I watch their videos, and learn that they are at least there, making content, and what am I doing, watching them, when they have no interest in anything but their own view counts.  I look at the hits to my account, and nothing really comes of this.  Read this as it is written, I really do not give a fuck.

Monday, November 03, 2014

Yak, Yak, Yak, Ewe Got to Bee Kidding Me

What the fuck are you all doing with your time, wasting it on worthless pursuits for the "All Mighty Dollar", be his holy honor.  Let your gods be what they will, let me alone.  I need none of your sympathy.  If it were not for the pursuit of happiness I would not give a dam, about anyone, but that is not how it turned out.  Now I have commitments and considerations that would not have even mattered before.

I am just fucking tired, worn to the bone, with worthless effort.  How much can one clan really expect, for the value of one's own hands.  The value of toast, versus cake, which has more, it makes me just want to brew up some swill beer and just lie down in the mist of I just do not give a shit anymore.  Did I ever?

Friday, October 03, 2014

Philosophic Decadance

I spend too much time wondering what is working, when what I need to do is just keep on doing what I do, and let the numbers fall where they lay.  Throw on some real good Jam music, and the world full of things and numbers and money just falls away, and I can focus on what is really important.

The blind can see that there is no need for sight to feel.  Sometimes you just have to trust that what you are doing is the right thing.  I see so many people doing so much, most of it is not what it should be, but it is what it is, and that is what they can do.  The days of things being what they should be are gone, it is now a time of doing what one can to just get by.  I know that if I play all those social games, and run around and do those things, that I will earn the respect of a bunch of people I will never really know, and therefore will never really trust.  The issue of trust has come to mind lately, what happened to it.  If you extend trust to someone, it is usually for all the wrong reasons.  At the end of the day, you can not trust anyone anymore, not even your family.

I see it all over the place, brother turning on brother.  I wonder what of their Bibles and Kirans now, what do they say of the conflicts between brothers.  Children on the front line fighting for old men, nothing has changed.  It is still just a battle over toys, and no one will admit they have nothing.  The truth is that we come into this world naked and we leave the same way, alone and naked.  Just as we can not share our birth, we can not share our death.  But what if by the deaths of thousands we were able to prevent our death if but for a little while.  You might say that is selfish and vain, and you would be half right.

I would venture to guess that since most of us, the vast majority at least have not ever been where those that make the rules are or have been, that we could not without the aid of enhancement ever understand the reasoning they use to justify the depravity they exhibit, to our trained eyes.  The other problem is that our morality is tuned from the very beginning to believe that the depravity of the depraved is immoral.  While it is this very morality that makes their lives what they are, and ours what they are.  I have come here to learn of my own mortality, and it is closer than I might have imagined.  As I look at the signs that before lie, I realize that I am not long for this world, when I understand that one can not consume the calories I do and still waste away, there is nothing that I can do about it.  In the end I am striving to get to the point where I can at least get the few things done that I came here to do, and hope that at least that will have some lasting impact.  There is no use in crying for me, it is as it is, and though I am not now long for this world, I am at least going to try to do what I can to illuminate those that are curious enough to wonder about what might be, even if they are not truly able to see.  It is always darkest before the light.

What more can I say, oh too much I am sure you all know that by now, but I will move on now, to other things, and we can once again talk of the weather, and weather pigs should have wings.

Monday, September 22, 2014

Porn No Longer Matters

You can definitely tell that technology has reached a plateau, when there really seems to be no real forward progress.  It is either that or it has become imperceptible.

"Back in the Day" as I now often say, but hate the statement immediately after I have said it, so really I do not say it anymore, I used to surf a few choice porn sites.  You may ask why am I telling you this, is not this a glaring example of way too much information.  Well the truth is, porn sites have always bored me, and I have always only felt pity for the performers.  I did once carry on a rather lengthy conversation with one performer for a couple of days, even gave her some money once, but then I remembered that she was a performer, and this was all just an act to elicit my not so hard earned cash.

So, yea, anyway, I used to surf a few of these sites and look into their code, back when I used to code that is.  They were always on the cutting edge of code, especially for security.  This is not the case anymore, and the porn still bores me.  Coding has become too junked up with scripts anymore, and I do not like the fact that on most servers now, I have to use their interface, at least the free ones.  I use Google Sites now, and I do not like the way it works.  I would prefer to be able to just hand code the website, but that is not really possible anymore, at least not with Google Sites.

I used to be a card carrying member of W3C, and several developer sites, including Netscape, does anyone remember them, but that was years ago, and now I am completely out of touch with the technology.  This is not about technology really, or it would be on my TechnoQuest blog, it is about how I have lost touch with things in general, and just do not care anymore for things that seem like I should care about them.

For one thing I am almost 50 now, and I just do not care enough about sex anymore to even care if I can get it up, so ED is not an issue for me, although as far as I know it is not an issue for me, at least not yet.  I do not think I have ever been one of those guys that produced a lot of testosterone, because I never did really feel all that manly most of my life.  I did not feel the need to seek out adventures with men though, and I was never afraid of manly companions.  By the same, I rarely sought out company of woman either, other than for the purpose of sleep and the occasional jaunt in the bed, or my truck.  I have always been a loner, which is why I find it weird that I have been happily married for almost 15 years.

As I do approach 50 I find that I want to interact even less with people, at least from a short distance.  I do not mind so much from the comfort of my compound, while they remain at a comfortable digital distance.  People have always bored me, and therefore I had very few friends, even though I knew a fair amount of people, they were always just people I partied with, or hung out with, but no one that I really confided in, or had any real deep relationship with.  That is why computers interested me so much, they did not want to converse about their issues, although if you were a coder of any kind you understood that computers had many issues back then, and that has probably not changed much.

I am now trying to write, and it is more difficult than it once was, as I have obligations that I rarely had when I was writing before.  I now have bills I never had before, and those bills have to be paid, and that has sucked most of the energy I used to use for writing right out of me.  I am now also committed to a marriage that I find pleasant, but it also means I have one more obligation, that I have accepted, that back when I was writing everyday I did not accept, because I always felt it would be unfair to anyone else if I were to divide my love between them and a muse.

All of this has created a situation where I am at now, not sure of how to get through this, but I have to get through it, because only the writing will really set me free of the obligations, once again so I can write freely.

I wonder what happened, what is going to happen, and can I get through it, and still maintain my sense of wonder that propels my art.

I was going to add more to this, but for now I will just publish it and let the chips fall where they lay.

Thanks for reading, or not, whatever.

Utah to BLM: Rein in your cops | The Salt Lake Tribune

Utah to BLM: Rein in your cops | The Salt Lake Tribune:

'via Blog this'

I am very concerned with the west, it doesn't look good from here.  I am looking a little more into this.

A Sting in the Desert - Los Angeles Times

A Sting in the Desert - Los Angeles Times:

'via Blog this'

Read this and answer this, has the BLM lost their fucking mind?  At what point do we as citizens of the USA say we have had enough of civil servants who seem to think they serve someone else other than the people.

Monday, September 08, 2014

Getting in on This Shi

Here's a quick post for today, as I try to get better at this blogging she-it.

So yea here's the deal, I have no idea what the hell is going on today, but the news is not very good in general around.  I just listen to the talk around, and catch the mainstream crap, and even that does not sound to good.  So yea, I was going to start doing some digging in twitter to see what is going on around.

I hear there is some new virus, then there is the whole USSR (oh sorry they are not the Soviet Union any more) Russia Ukraine thing, and well yea the middle east is still a hot spot, and then there is North Korea too.  So what is really going on?  I am going to do some digging, in my spare time, which I do not really have, but because I think it is important to do, I will try to fit it in.  So in the coming weeks I will dig around and see what the hell is going on and give my take on it.

Other than that, I still have a few hundred past post to put up, so they will continue to trickle on, as I find the time.

I need to figure out some things, because I need to figure out how to turn a few dollars here.  I really want to figure this shit out, because I need to get enough free time to finish some books this year, so I have to stop this work thing.  Of course the truth is I am not working, just helping out a neighbor, as it must be called.  That is the problem with this fudged up world today, you are forced into some type of deception only because you do not want to pay all the ridiculous fees and fines for helping out a neighbor with his farm.

Hey now, before you all get up and start to call the local IRS agent, remember that I am happy to pay my share, have paid more than my share for years as a self employed business.  As being self employed I have to pay both the employee and employer parts of the fines and fees associated with doing business in the the "good ole USA".  So I have paid double for years, as well as paid the employer portion of my employees payments too, including workman's compensation, which is just ridiculous.  Come on if you work for a company that cares about their employees like they should, you should not need to worry about such things.  A good family business would take care of you and your family if you needed it, even without the pressure from the insurance corporations or the government.  Yet the government feels it is necessary to force you to pay exuberant fees and fines for what might happen, even if it never does.

Ok, ok I will get off the soap box (I will go into that later), and let that go, if all of you will.

So this was going to just be a short little bit, so I am going to cut it short here, because I have more work to do.  I mean I have three other blogs to update, a farm to tend to, and my wife who is in need of care, thanks a large part to the American Medical Corporations, and just general poor living conditions of the world today.

Thank you for tuning in today, I hope to have more to say tomorrow.

Sunday, September 07, 2014

Just Stuff I am Doing

Well. yea, I have been watching Troy (Techman) (which makes really no sense, as he is not really very technical), and his Do It Yourself World website.  I also follow his YouTube channel, and often watch his videos.  I find them sometimes informative, but mostly entertaining, in that same way that you watch someone on TV to see what happens to them.

I often think that we should do something like that.  There is another YouTube channel called Misty Prepper, who I also watch quite regularly.  Her channel is more akin to what I am thinking we would do, but different.

I like these channels, and the twenty or so others that I view on a regular basis that all deal with essentially the same things.  I wonder how do they do it, other than the equipment side of things, as we are without a means to make videos, how do they all find the time to do it.  I just do not have the time to make videos or post them.  Hell I barely have time to post on the blog, never mind all the effort to make and edit video.

I wonder what these people do for a living?  How do they pay their bills?  We have all we can do just to meet our basic bills on the meager income we have, and with the help of a small amount of cash we make from selling various animals.  How do these people make enough money to make it worth their time to post these videos two or three times a week, or more depending on who they are.

Well that's it for now, but I hope to post some past post soon, as I have a lot of catching up to do.  I just have so much happening that needs attention right now, to keep up like everyone else seems to do.


Tuesday, August 26, 2014

After Too Great a Time, I Have Obtained the Internet

After 2.5 months of waiting for Verizon to finally get their shit together, we now have internet.  I will post all the post I have written since losing the internet when we moved.  This is just a warning.

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Inequality and Pay: 'Rents' vs. Merit | Jared Bernstein

Inequality and Pay: 'Rents' vs. Merit | Jared Bernstein:

'via Blog this'

Now I do not usually take on blog post from the Huffington Post bloggers, but I am going to try and re-read this and figure out what the hell he is getting at with this.

I have some pretty strong comments about the inequality, and the idea of merit.  I just thought I would ferret out his post, and see if we have anything in common.

Tabled Decisions

I didn't know where to place this, so I am putting it up here, but I will link to this blog from the Doud Dairy Farm blog, as it seems it also applies to that work as well.

Warning: This is a long post, and it will have more to come, so just be prepared to stick with it, or leave before it is done.

The making of a table for Arleta to work on has taken on a life of its own, to some degree.  I started with the idea that a trestle table would be about the best, as it would have space under the table so she could sit in either a chair or her wheelchair and work on it.  I wanted to make it adjustable so she could work on it either sitting or standing, but it looks like it would be better to just build two different tables.

Still have to figure out a chair pattern for her that will match the height of her wheelchair, and have a foot rest as she will be working at the table some amount of time, and her feet will not reach the ground if it is the same height as the wheelchair.

I am not much of a drawer, but I know that it needs to be at least 48” wide by 72” long on the top, so the legs must be half the width, and the stretcher must be at least ¾ the length.

I am going to cut the legs out of ¾” plywood, which I am going to double giving me a 1.5 thick leg.  I am going to attach that to the table top with a hinge so that it will fold down against the tabletop when the table is not in use.  The stretcher will be used to hold the legs in position when the table is in use.  I will be using ⅝” birch plywood for the top, with a frame of 2x2 to give it extra strength and allow for the legs to hinge on the frame rather than the tabletop itself.  I am also going to add a small drawer on the front to allow for tool storage while it is being used.  Because it is a folding table, I will make the drawer usable on the either the sitting or standing table, but also in a tool cabinet I am going to build to match the tables, so that she can easily switch out the drawer and have a different set of tools depending on which projects she is working on.

I may increase the weight of the frame as these are work tables and may need additional heft to stand up to hammering and other hard use.  I may also consider using dimensional lumber for the tops, and other parts to increase the heft of the table.

Ideally I would use a table saw and cut the edges of the dimensional lumber so that it was square.  I would then using strap and pipe clamps peg and glue up the top so that it was one continuous top made of several different pieces.  Once that was set, I would use a countersink drill bit to drill the frame through the top, and screw and glue the tabletop into the frame built of dimensional lumber.  I would then use plugs cut flush to cover the countersunk screws.  I could add edge trim to the tabletop to give it a finished look and present rounded edge.  Or if I had a router I could just create a finished edge on the edge trim.

I would still add the drawer detail.  I would also change the legs to dimensional lumber and with the router create a edge detail on them.  I would make a mortice on the stretcher and using a pin and strap I would have a through tenon that would take the pin and the strap would just be there to ensure that the pin stayed in place until removed.  I would still hinge the legs to the top frame allowing the table to be folded up when not in use.  The drawer could still be swapped out from the tool cabinet so it would be easier for her to switch projects and keep her tools organized.

On further thought, I would most likely just put the tool cabinet on wheels so that she could have it wheeled over to her projects and eliminate the drawer on the table as that would take out a lot of extra details, keeping the table simple and more durable.

If I start with all rough cut lumber and plane it and edge it, I can make a fairly hefty table that should still be pretty to look at.  If I make the top of some really hard wood like maple or oak, and make the legs, stretcher and frame out of pine or hemlock, it will save on cost, while still providing a good sturdy table.

I may use the same design for our kitchen and dining room tables, with more or less detail and heft as I think is needed.

If I had a mill, I would mill the wood, but that is more than I can foresee as being reasonable.  There are plenty of local mills that could provide me with the needed lumber, although I may not be able to get the exact species of tree stock I want, there is most likely something local that would be just as good.

I have a few additional ideas I am thinking through, like pins for the legs, so they could be removed, and this way a sitting table could be used with longer legs to make a standing table, and so on and so forth.

The next thing to think about is chairs.  I am thinking I might want to do green wood chairs, but I am still thinking that through.  I know I want some arm chairs for the dining room, and some benches too.  I also want some stools for the standing height tables so if they are used in the kitchen a stool could be used as well as for standing.  I am thinking a few armless chairs too would be good, especially if they stack, so they could be used if needed, but stacked in the store room if not needed.

This leads me around to the new house design.  I am definitely thinking a combination of timber frame with wattle and daub between, but I have to consider that this does not allow for the insulation layer, or in wall plumbing and wiring.  So although I really like the “tudor” look, I am thinking that I will still go with the cob double wall design.  However I am going to increase the space a little, enough that we will have a spare room and a bigger separate lauder and pantry.

I am still going to create a through the wall fireplace, with iron doors that will be on iron hinges that can be switched from inside in the summer, and outside in the winter.  This will allow the fireplace to be used as an indoor fireplace for heat in the winter, but also as an outdoor stove and oven in the summer, without creating too much heat loss or buildup in either season.  I am also going to build a central fireplace that will also be a through the wall fireplace, with the shared wall of our bedroom.  This too will have iron doors that will be able to be open or shut depending on where the desired heat is to be radiated to.  The main of the house will be heated as the main hot water will also be heated by an outdoor fire, namely the forge and kiln fire.

The Forge and Kiln will be part of a project that will consist of a structure that will resemble a small dragon.  This will be built with cob as well, and serve as the forge (the mouth of the beast), the kiln (the tail of the beast), a bakery oven (the belly of the beast), and a hot water and steam generation plant (the blood and heart of the beast).  Because this will run all year, except during the summer solstice when it will be allowed to cool and be maintained, it will be outside and away from the other buildings, in a specific location, allowing it to provide service to all the other buildings effectively, while protecting them from the fire and potential hazards of the beast nature.

All the buildings have specific locations depending on their purpose, and how they are best suited to that purpose.  It is also important that the buildings align with the proper cardinal directions according to their purposes and needs for exposure.  This would seem to be unnecessary, but I assure you it is absolutely necessary for productive living and longevity of the project.

If I could draw better I could demonstrate the reasoning in a more graphic manor, but I will attempt to do so the only way I can, with words.

I have yet to determine the true shape of the house, but I can tell you that it will begin with two spires, well chimneys really, each one a fireplace will be built into, which can be accessed from either side.  On the western side of the house will be the main fireplace, with its built in stove tops and ovens.  It will have iron doors that will open to allow use from either side of the fireplace.  The outside fireplace will be used in the summer months to keep the inside of the house cooler.

The second one will be built in the center of the house, and will be used in winter to add to the heating of the house in general, but specifically to our bed chamber, which will share a wall with the fireplace, and be accessed from either side, again with iron doors on either side.  The main entrance to the house will be on the south eastern corner of the house, where it will greet the first light of day, and be protected from the worst of winters onslaught.  The second door will be on the western wall near the fireplace, to allow for easy access to the indoor kitchen and dining area.  The pantry and lauder will be on the north western corner as they have no need for light or much heat, so they will protect the house from the worst of winters onslaught, and be kept cool in the summer as not being in the direct path of sunlight.  The north western corner of the house will also be protected by the trees and wind break, adding to the efficiency of the house design.

The bathing room will be located on the north eastern corner, with exposure to the early light, and protected from the worst of the winter, it will be warm and bright.  The spare room will be between the pantry/lauder and our bed chamber.  In addition to the spare room, over the bed chambers and other rooms will be the loft, which will have two storage areas for rain water, dry storage of produce, and lastly, some sleeping cots for young guest.  The access to the loft will be stairs that run up to the loft along the front of the spare/guest room, and the central chimney.  The heat from the open room below and the chimney will keep the loft warm, while a end window, and roof vents will maintain circulation of the air and ensure that it is not too warm for the produce or guest.

The southern wall will have a large thermal mass, with two arches in it, through which one will be able to go into the solarium and sit beside the water feature, and view the collection of rare plants as well as the indoor kitchen garden.  They will also be able to feed the fish, that will be part of the integrated watering system.  This will also look out into the center of the area where most of the other buildings will be facing.  This will be facing south, and by that same, it will also be facing the mouth of the dragon (beast), across the courtyard of gardens and other features.

On the western side of the courtyard will be the main entrance to the courtyard, through which will lead to other areas of the property like gardens and orchards.  On the eastern side of the courtyard it will open up to a field where the animals will graze mostly during the winter months.  North east of this will be the barns and other animal related buildings.  To the south east will be a sugar shack and smoke house (built as part of the beast).

There will be other shops and buildings built in other areas, according to their needs and purposes.  I am still working out all the details.  In addition to the main house, there will also be built one or two smaller cabins on the property, for the help that will live there during the height of the season.  There will also be a small carport built for the truck, as one will be needed, but hopefully not all that often.  It will be built to match the carriage house, and may actually be made to be part of the carriage house, as it is really just a horseless carriage after all.  An apartment will be built over the carriage house, as is traditional, and this will be leased to someone, who most likely will pay for their lease through the care of the carriages and the truck.  The carriage house will be one of the few visible buildings near the road access, with the rest being mostly obscured by trees and courtyard walls.

While I can see it, it is difficult for me to convey the entire picture, but I will continue to try.  It is a work in function and form, with elements of time and eternity added in.  Very much will be built with cob or stone, and made to last for several lifetimes.  I understand that I will need special variances from nearly any building code enforcer no matter where I decide to build, but that is a matter of money.

That is the matter of the next installment of this document, how can I pay for all of this, and get it going.  How will I support the cost of operations, and all of that, will be discussed in the next edition you might say.  Until then, I will think about how to describe more detail, and give answers to questions that may arise from the work that so far has been displayed.

Thank you for reading and hope it entertains you, and maybe you will want to know more, and will return to see another edition of this little dream I have so long delayed.

Peace be with all of you… sleep well.


Monday, April 28, 2014

Glancing Blow to Poetry

Okay, this should have been under a different blog, so sue me.

This is about poetry, more specifically the reading of poetry.  I haven't been to a reading in a while, but recently (as recently as today) I have checked out some clips of local and national readings of poetry, and I think to myself, what the fuck happened man.

When I was reading poetry there was some of this active performance art going on, in fact I was part of it.  You think I wore weird clothes and outlandish jewelry in everyday life, well maybe back then I did, but not now.  I look back on my days as a poet, or should I say performance artist, and think wow I must have been drunk, if I at all sounded like the poets I hear now.

On looking at the crap I used to try to pass off as poetry to the people who all seemed to think it was awesome, I wonder were they all drunk as well.

I have re-read most of the classics now, or am reading some of them now, and think how can anyone compare to this.  The reason they are classics is because they are the best there was, it does not mean there wasn't a whole ton of really bad poets also writing and reading at the time of Keats or even Chaucer.

Back in the days when I was writing and reading, I tended to reject the works of the great poets, except maybe Poe who still inspires me to sit in a dark room and mumble incoherently to myself.

Now as I contemplate looking again at the possibility of writing and reading poetry, I am astounded by the lack of discipline, and well just worthwhile content in poetry.  It is almost as if the poetry reflects the society, and maybe it does, but if it does, we are in trouble, deep trouble people.  Poetry today lacks something, I haven't quite put my finger on it, but it lacks something, that just might be the trouble with society, we just lack something, just out of reach.

Like I said this belongs to another blog really, but I am here now, and this is where I am going to state what I am going to state.  Over the next little while I am posting some of my older works on my other blog lowly scribe or Road Scholar, mostly uncut and raw from the page they were written on.  This is more to preserve them as I feel that they should survive beyond me, even if they will hold almost no value to anyone but me.

The other day I chatted with an old friend of mine, and she said she still had some of the writing I had done back when we were still in high school, well at least she was.  I mean, I was enrolled there, I just rarely showed up, and that was agreeable to the administrators as well.  I thought about that, and concluded that maybe when I am dead and gone, maybe she will have something that might be worth something, but then I realized that the reason she held on to them is because they were worth something to her then, and now.  That got me to thinking, maybe I wasn't that bad a poet after all, but that thought was fleeting, and thankfully passed out of my head not a moment too soon.

A while ago I went to my step-son's comedy nite, a couple of times, and it was entertaining, but most likely not for the reasons why it was supposed to be.  I find entertainment in the drowning comic, is that so unusual, why else do people watch car races or even horse races.  It was at this time that I remembered my days of being a performance artist.  How that opened doors for me, and got me into places I never would have thought I would have gone.  I was asked to write for a little underground paper, and that lead to other engagements, and art openings, and eventually to a position in the Oswego Art Guild.  I might have been famous for a moment, if I had kept up the pace.  I didn't, I hated the light, I despised the attention, and wanted it to end.  The truth is, and I can admit this now, was I did not want it to end, I just wanted to act like I wanted it to end, so I could get more of it for being against the flow.

Well it did end, and I am nothing, to nobody, but maybe a few old friends that still remember my days of sitting in the dark corner of the room writing feverishly while girls waited to read what I wrote, and guys of those girls wanted to break my fingers, if only they could.  I was protected then, and I knew it, so I exploited it, and laughed in the face of those guys that thought they were tough.  To this day the one that did take the shot at me one of those odd days that I showed up for class, learned that I was a protected person, and to take me on because I talked to your girlfriend was only going to end in you getting hurt badly, and when I see him, he still apologizes.  Fortunately I guess I do not see anyone anymore from those days, because we are not what we once were.

I am not the writer I once was.  Not that I do not write anymore, as is evident by this blog post, and by many others, plus the books I am slowly grinding out when I have the time to put in a few words, but that I am not nearly as prolific as I once was.  I hope that is a good thing, I hope that means the stuff I am writing now is more mature, is better for the lack of writing frequency.  Still I am not accomplished as a writer either.  I have no real publishing credits to my name, an anthology here or there, a few starts and fits with novels I have shopped around, and a series I have worked on but can't seem to find the energy or time to finish.

Well if you are still reading this, good show, you are dedicated.  This is just a lot run on sentences and massing up of disconnected thoughts, that ramble on forever.  The real world intrudes, as the gamers say, and I have to go to tend to the sheep, and my wife Arleta, so I have to let this one go, as it is, and maybe I will put some more up that are the same.  Just a little look inside, do you really want to go there?

Sleep Well,

Pen Tracks II

Remember I said I was going to get back to this, well I am getting back to it.

It has been almost 6 months now that I have used the Parker IM fountain pen, and Noodler's Black ink, and I thought I would just update my readers on my quest to find a good pen.

First let me say when I got the pen I was pretty dam impressed with it.  It wrote well, when I first took it out of the package and put the ink cartage in it.  What I did not expect was how heavy it would be on the end when I posted the cap.

The pen has a good heft to it, I like that, it feels good and feels real.  Unfortunately I was not prepared for that weight in my hand, and it sent the pen diving to the floor.  Of course it hit the floor nib first, and I have spent the rest of my time using the pen trying to get that original feel back again, to no avail.  I have come close a couple of times, but it is still not quite the same.  I am going to try to pull the nib and see if I can adjust it out of the pen.

Still it is a decent pen, and as long as you do not drop it, like I do quite often, it should service quite nicely.  I still do not know how it compares to the Lamy pen, but right now I am not in a financial position to make that comparison.

Noodler's ink is nice.  It is not as black as inks I have used in the past, being used to the India blacks of the mid eighties, but it does flow decent, and produces a good flat blackish result.  This suits me well, and I like that it is relatively permanent.  I say relatively permanent, as I haven't tested that aspect yet, and everything I have written with it is still as when I wrote it, so I assume it will be that way for at least the time that I will be around to read it.

The ink converter that allows me to use bottled ink with the Parker IM is alright at best.  It does allow me to use the Noodler's ink, but it also is prone to air lock.  I often have to take the pen apart and push the air out of the converter so the ink will continue to flow adequately.  Now I wonder is that because of the ink or the converter, but I have no way of making a comparison, as I only have the Noodler's ink and the Parker IM pen, so I can not make much in the way of comparison there.

In conclusion it all works, and with some tweaking I may yet get it to work like it did originally.  It has its issues, it sometimes skips when I am writing really fast, and I put that up to the converter not keeping up the flow as it should, but it may also be the ink or nib.  I will try to save up some money and buy a Lamy pen and maybe some other converter, and ink, just to be able to make a good comparison of the pens and other parts, but for now, it does its job, even with its little quirks.

I am used to quirks from fountain pens.  Back in the days when I used to use them a lot I had several of them that were quite old.  Most of them were not name brands, just pens and quite a few of them were quite quirky in their actions.  I remember one that had a bladder in it, but you could only fill it about half way or it would bind up the bladder and push ink out the nib.  Funny that even though that was a bad part, the pen which I do not remember the name of, wrote really, really well, otherwise.  I remember picking it up at a flea market one day, it was in a few pieces, and I put it back together, and it was one of the best writing pens I have ever owned, even with the quirky bladder.  I think I paid two dollars for it, even with the 18k gold nib, and funky art deco resin body.

Remember I said I would say something about why I use a pen, when I have a computer, well I will, but that will have to wait until next time.

Thank you for stopping by, it has been a pleasure to talk with you all, and maybe we can talk again someday soon.


Friday, April 25, 2014

Answers I Have Not, Questions a Many

At the end of the day, homelessness means nothing to me.  Of what use do I need a home, I have no family, I have no friends, and only my words keep me company.  I can always climb back into the bottle and practice the great art of slow deliberate suicide by bottle.

It is the love of my life, my beautiful and caring wife Arleta who I strive for.  If not for her I would not most likely be here today to write this, and there are plenty of people who would most likely prefer it was that way.

I read the comments, go to social services, or other such services, you don’t think we didn’t consider that.  Even though it pains me to do so, we have, but they have no help for us, especially for us to move away from the services.  The pure ignorance that I run into all the time just makes me ill.  You all say you can’t help others, but you will gladly go to your local church and put $10.00 every week into their coffers.  For what a chance at salvation, really, do you honestly believe that.  They are selling you a bill of goods that does not exist.  The only angels in this world are those people who while they have nothing, find it in their selves to still help their fellow man, personally, not through some middleman or organization.

Let me explain chuch to you.  It is an organization that exist to ensure that those that participate in the belief will continue to support those that do not believe in it.  The irony here is that they call you their flock.  Do you know what I do with my flock, I fleece it, at least until it gets too old, then I kill it and eat it, is that real enough for you.  Oh, but what about god, he must certainly be there, he has books written about him, and so many people believe in him, it must be true.  Really because I think on any given day you can find people who still believe that Elvis is still alive, or Jim Morrison for that matter, so are they gods?

I can not determine what is worse the fucktards that fleece their flock every week, or the ignorant masses that believe that by paying a small tithe every week they will buy their way into some utopian land in a galaxy far, far away.  Best of all, you all missed the point entirely, even though it was presented to you plainly.  Instead you chose to believe the interpreter who told you only he can interpret the word of the god.  Jesus did not ask for money, he told you to forego the trappings of material world.  He gave everything to his flock, and asked nothing in return.  Buddha forsake his material life for one of poverty.  He was a prince, who left his wealth and excess to become as a peasant.  The list goes on, but no one wants to hear what they have to say, they want to hear that as long as you keep on giving 10% of your income to this organization you will be given a place in the kingdom of heaven.  Ah, but you have no ears to hear the truth, only that which you are fed by the truth-sayers.

Jesus never once said believe in me, or even his “father”.  He said that his father was in the world in which we lived, and that you only had to look to see his wonder.  Buddha never once asked to believe in him, he only said that the human condition is suffering, and to quiet the suffering, relinquish desire.  If you actually thought about the people that are attributed with greatness, they gave you the key, but instead you would rather be blinded to the truth, and pay for it, so the priest do not have to.

Do not get me wrong, religion is great for wealth generation, and power manipulation.  In the middle ages after the fall of Rome, the Catholics seized the power that became available after in the vacuum that follows any change in power.  They did so at the expense of thousands, maybe even millions of other people.  Somehow Catholics can justify the killing of millions of people by their religious leaders because they believe in the same goddam god, but look a little different.

Why did the church go after the holy land, because the people are gullible and thrill at the chance to kill other people so they can take their wealth back to a guy that sits on a throne of gold, and says he will guarantee your passage into a mystical land where you will be happy all the time and have everything you ever wished for, but it is going to cost you.  Not just gold, but land, blood and your first born male child.  Who is buying this crap?  Millions, sometimes billions of people, all willing to pay for the privilege to be lied to repeatedly.

For a little more modern example, take the church of latter day saints, the mormons.  Really if you do not already know the story behind that organization, it was started by a con man that had been run out of three other towns before he landed in Palmyra, NY and hatched what would be the biggest con yet, a new religion based on some “golden” tablets he found, which could only be interpreted by his priest.  Yet it is one of the most successful organizations, and has billions in net worth.  How can you believe that.  There sure are a lot of very wealthy mormons out there, and they probably know the truth about what they are doing, but why illuminate the masses, they prefer their ignorance and dictate.

Okay, I have beat up on religion and god enough for a moment, and maybe I should pick something else.  Besides if you do not get it by now, you never will.  Here is one last hint, if you believe in a god, you are following the wrong god.

Let us try something else.  We all know now that nobility does not consider the best interest of their peasants.  Or at least that is what you all have been lead to believe.  However; at least nobility has some interest in their peasants, as without them, they would have to toil in the fields.  So there is some balance there, but I agree it is not much.

I have always said that what the people really want is a benevolent monarch.  By this I mean what they want is a person that will give them a decision on something, and take responsibility for it, whatever the outcome.  They also want that person to consider their needs, and at least make it possible for them to live their lives in peace.  This might have occurred during the reign of King Solomon, if he even existed, as there is no hard fact to that.  I would like to think that he might have existed, but that maybe, just maybe over the years some of what he is known for might have been exaggerated for the sake of dramatic intent, and also because it just makes for better fiction.

Any group of people, however noble their cause, can be manipulated and converted, especially if they are at all successful.  In fact the more successful they are the more of a threat they are to the established groups, and therefore they must be eliminated or at least marginalized in order to effectively render them harmless to the power that currently holds sway.  In the modern world it is best to have many smaller groups that appear to operate independent of each other, sometimes even at odds with each other, to best obtain the greatest market penetration and therefore maintain the greater level of control over any other competing group that may present a threat to the ones already within the folds of the established groups.

That was a lot to say in one statement, but that is what we as people seem to do, to ourselves.

We desire leadership.  We want someone or a group of someones to lead us in some direction, it really does not matter which direction, as long as we do not have to be held accountable for our own existence.  We put the fat old men in power and then complain that they use it for their own benefit.  We cry for their forgiveness and complain that they charge us for the benefit of their abuse of that power.  We lock ourselves in the prison of ignorance and give the keys to the sadistic wardens that we were trying to escape.

I do not know how to state it.  I do not know how to use words to illuminate you, for words are false, and have no meaning but what is attributed to them through interpretation.  I can give you no answers, for I have none.  I can tell you that to find all the answers to all questions you ask, you only need but look inside yourself and ask, am I.  If there is no answer, you are, and you can go forward now, with uncertainty, and live in perfect harmony with the great chaos, knowing nothing, but owing nothing to anyone to the ignorance you have now embraced.

Ignorance is bliss, but bliss will cost you, unless you are okay with knowledge of nothing, and if you know nothing, then nothing is unknown.

Right now I have to go tend to my flock, of sheep.  They ask nothing of me, and give to me freely, without desire or condition.  The reason for this is too great to get into right now, but I will return with more on this, because I want to believe in the human capacity to be awesome and evolve, despite the facts that appear to be to the contrary.