Thursday, November 19, 2009

Take me Back to the Land Lad

I have for all these years been just moving along, not certain of much of anything, but that I am certain that as long as I held tightly to the dream, it would be. The dream manifest in strange and wondrous ways. I still hold on to that dream factiously hoping for a break, and even though it seems dark sometimes, it is there, gleaming in my mind.

My da died holding onto the fistful of dreams he could never pass on. I understand his torment, and what he was trying to say, in his way. It is still there da, in my mind, that glaring eye, that holds sway to my passion, but won't let it go until I fill its needs. But my dear old da I have beat him at his own game, and he licks his wounds in the darkness of my fetal mind.

My ma died unfulfilled of her most sacred duty, although she saw me off, and with that she can take some peace. Yes ma, she is beautiful, and she takes me to the highest highs that I could never get with that shit that you never did like any way. I will avenge you in this and give you a proper gift, although I could never give you the next step, it will not die with me, it will live on in infinity, in your warm smile, I see when I close my eyes.

I remember you both in fond ways, and ask you to look at me, and hope for my destiny. Help me when you can, and I will praise you both in my voice, and in my deeds, all because you gave me breath.

Oh I remember being in that empty space, that nothing, between life and death, and I thank you all for taking me from there to the light of this day.

And did I tell you I have the dog, yea, its a boarder and although I struggle with him cause I am dumb, he puts up with me, and I think he still likes me although I am really stupid. And I am going to be working soon on that next book, or so I tell myself, 'cause I owe you that much don't I.

I have been meaning to tell you that I and she is going to get back to the land, but it not certain yet because we were to stupid for to many days, and now we have to work for it harder than we should. We will make it though, because she is beautiful and full of life, even though I am dying and she doesn't even know it yet. I will hold on though so she can have it when I am gone, that's the least I can do. Well that's the least I can do, because soon I will be with the bitch and the hammer who will come to collect his debt, but not yet I think, no not yet.

I feel it there, just out of reach, but this man, maybe he will see through the fog and bring in the rain to sweep away these years of smoke. That's all I have to cling to now, as there is no one who will put out their hand anymore. I guess I wore that rug thread bear to long ago, so it comes as no surprise. Anyway, the other one is not all that strong anymore, except I occasionally hear her daughter whispering in the darkness, or is that just me.

I finally killed the bitch, or so I thought, but she continues to echo in the deepest reaches of my chambers. Tempts me with her sinuous form, but I can resist that as long as the woman holds me sometimes, sometimes I want to weep, but it would solve nothing would it.

You will note the lower case, it is true, I am small yet, just a dirt spec trying to farm a small piece of land and bring forth a revolution, quietly, from the green grass, oh well, if this man will just listen to his heart he will know, it is the right way to go.

TaTa for now...
JD

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