Saturday, June 21, 2008

I don't remember what I last wrote about, but today I am writing for my own sanity. This particular post has nothing to do with anyone in particular, but with my particular situation, which is to say the least interesting to me.

When I started with my current job it seemed to be the break I had been looking for. At last I was in a position to use what I knew and help people through my knowledge of the construction industry. Things started to unravel and I was suddenly caught in a condition I was no longer comfortable with. So I had to assert myself, but I was unable to do so, so it only got worse. The person I work for is not the nicest person, but rarely are the wealthy really all that cordial to others, at least those that are not their people. I am not them, I am a lowly soldier in the fight to survive this thing they call life. I am a horrible wage slave, I don't live to work, I work to live, and that makes my wage earning potential tenuous at best. I am always certain I could do it better.

I think what i am is impatient, I want my rewards now, and I will give the results later, but when I stop to think about it, I already have earned my rewards, I just forgot to earn them. When I stop to think about it I realize that all that is being asked of me is not that much. It is a matter of making better use of my time. You see I dislike meetings, they seem such a waste of time. I could be out there doing something, but in reality I should not be doing anything, but driving others to do something. I have had this thing all backwards.

After a few moments of thought it is plain to anyone that it was my lack of desire that brought me to where I am today. Because I did not want to do my job. My job was not about performing certain task but about making certain they were performed in a proper manor. Documenting the performance, and getting the work done, not so much about doing the work. Now I must do the work, get it done and get back on schedule, but that schedule needs to adapt to handle the load that I need to be able to carry.

I have gotten what I wanted, now I just need to utilize my abilities to make it happen. It was a failure in my ability to make things happen that has put me where I am at this time.

I was going to write a long rant about how much of a dick my employer was, but he is what he is because I have failed to produce what I originally promised. I have written many times about how one should take responsibility for ones own actions, and here I was ready to blame him, or anyone for my inability to do my job. It is not inability but willingness to do what I have to do to get the job done.

I like what I do, and I should like telling other what to do, my wife does, but I seem to prefer to just let it slide, in the hopes that it will work itself out. The truth is I am not getting the work done, not because the other people are not doing their job, but because i ma not doing mine.

That is about to change. Instead of changing everyone else, I will change myself, and from that all other relationships will be different.

Right now I have to go do the dishes so I can make breakfast. Well that is right after I text Travis and find out what he is doing so I can make my plans accordingly.

Signing off...

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